Since this is first blog entry of the new Lorenzo's Mental Health Blog, I don't want to throw a lot at you at once. This blog entry isn't for every parent. People who are regular Lorenzo Dunning readers have the common sense to know the information contained in this blog entry. But this blog entry is for stupid parents who don't know squat, and let me tell you, there are plenty of them out there.
Now I don't have kids of my own, so that means I can tell other people how to be parents. When a childless man gives you parenting advice, you better listen...especially if it's be. I do a perfect job raising my hypothetical children. And I have some special advice for all you unappreciated parents out there.
Now I don't have kids of my own, so that means I can tell other people how to be parents. When a childless man gives you parenting advice, you better listen...especially if it's be. I do a perfect job raising my hypothetical children. And I have some special advice for all you unappreciated parents out there.
Let me guess. You're try to be the best parent you can be. You work so hard to give your kids all the things you didn't have when you were a kid. Or maybe you've sacrificed your own career to be a stay-at-home parent. Everything you do, you do it for your kids. You are always there for them. You don't miss a ball game or a dance recital. You spend a fortune in gas taking them to practices and rehearsals. Let me take another wild guess. They rarely say, "Thank you." Sometimes, they even have the nerve to get a little bit sassy while you're in the middle of doing something they've asked you to do. You don't feel appreciated? Well...why don't you stop by Lorenzo's Deli and I will fix you a get-over-your-fucking-self sandwich!
Did you actually think you were going to be the one parent in the universe whose children would express their appreciation for you throughout the day, every day?
Your kids are going to complain about you. Just make sure they complain because you're doing a good job.
Mother: Missy, do your homework.
Daughter: Thanks for reminding me, Mom.
Father: Son, your mother and I found condoms in your room.They're kids! They are going through the most self-centered phase of their lives. Oh, but they're supposed to stop and say, "We interrupt our teenage years to express our undying love and appreciation for our parents. We now return to our normal teenage behaviors, already in progress." Uh...would you like a side of reality to go with that get-over-your-fucking-self sandwich?
Son: I am so glad you guys searched my room! It's nice to have parents who care!
Your kids are going to complain about you. Just make sure they complain because you're doing a good job.
Why did I keep thinking that where it said "entry" I was going to find a link to some Europorn site?
ReplyDeleteI really like sandwiches. The get-over-your-fucking-self sandwich sounds really tasty and probably would be great with some pie for dessert. Does Lorenzo's Deli have pie for dessert? And can I leave my ungrateful little bastards at home so I can have a nice sandwich without a lot of whining and sighing and the annoying eye-rolling so often gifted by snot-nosed, wet behind the ears asshat teenagers? That would be a great deli. Especially if there is pie. And maybe some spicy mustard or sweet onion sauce for the get-over-your-fucking-self sandwiches.
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